That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
