Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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