you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize