I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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