Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
