he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
