You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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