Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
