What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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