part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
