Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
