You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were destined to go to rehab together
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize