That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
