I am puke
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
