I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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