I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
