no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
