I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
