No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
