She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize