Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
