i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
