I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
