Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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