i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
