cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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