her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
