OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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