Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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