What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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