hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
