So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I want is dick and wine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
