did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
