Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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