Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
