I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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