How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
