Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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