Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
