we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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