It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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