There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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