I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
