i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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