I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
