I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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