Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
