I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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