Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
