I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
