I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Less talking, more tequila
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
