she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize