remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
