My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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