That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
