Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
