somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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