somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just invented taco cereal.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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