What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
