you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
