you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
