I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
