we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
