I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
