You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I want a musical about memes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
