i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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