Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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