dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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