i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
