Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
