So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
