I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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