He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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