You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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