And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
