if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
