yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
