It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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