do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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