On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He better not be in your backpack
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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