and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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