Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
