I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
