Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
