Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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