i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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