Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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