We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
vagina is talking i cant
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The air taste purple.
Randomize
