Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
