so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
