He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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