So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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