I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
