I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
