I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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