I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
