i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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