Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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