Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
