Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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