There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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