can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
