I CAN MOONWALK!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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